Trump Administration Unveils 'Donroe Doctrine' In Peru, Resolving Long-Standing Concern That Two Centuries Of U.S. Intervention In Latin America Had Never Been Named After The President

The Filing

CUSCO, Peru. Speaking beneath the stonework of a civilization the United States did not build, Pentagon policy chief Elbridge Colby on Wednesday unveiled a revamped version of the 203-year-old Monroe Doctrine, informing assembled Latin American officials that Washington's long tradition of deciding what happens in their hemisphere would henceforth be conducted under the name "Donroe Doctrine."

The updated doctrine, named in honor of President Trump, preserves the original 1823 principle that the entire Western Hemisphere is a matter of United States concern, while adding several modern features. Among them are U.S. military strikes on suspected drug boats begun last fall, the removal of Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro in January, and joint counter-narcotics operations already under way in Ecuador.

"The best tradition of the Monroe Doctrine is about protecting our own security and interests by empowering and enabling Latin American nations," Colby told the gathering, using the word "empowering" to describe an arrangement in which the United States determines which vessels to destroy and which governments to depose.

Officials stressed that the rebranding arrives at an opportune moment, as a wave of elections has replaced the region's left-leaning "pink tide" with a roster of pro-Trump governments in Peru, Colombia, Argentina, Chile, Bolivia, Ecuador, and Panama, several of whose representatives applauded the news that their hemisphere had a new manager. Trump has separately urged the like-minded leaders to help push back against Chinese influence, with particular attention to the Panama Canal, which he has repeatedly offered to retake by force if necessary.

Sources within the administration described the change as a natural evolution, noting that President James Monroe had never once golfed, licensed his surname to a hotel, or deposed a foreign head of state on camera, and was therefore an increasingly poor fit for a doctrine entering its third century.

At press time, the Panama Canal had reportedly been informed that it would be hearing from the administration shortly.

Who Benefits

§Donald Trump, who affixed his own name to two centuries of U.S. dominance over an entire hemisphere without spending a dollar to earn it.
§The Trump Organization, whose branding strategy now extends to foreign-policy doctrines that predate the company by roughly 150 years.
§Elbridge Colby and the Pentagon, who gain expanded standing authority to conduct military strikes and remove governments across Latin America under a single reusable slogan.
§Pro-Trump Latin American governments in Peru, Colombia, Argentina, Chile, Bolivia, Ecuador, and Panama, whose leaders receive Washington's favor in exchange for accepting Washington's supervision.
§U.S. defense contractors, who supply the ships, aircraft, and munitions for the doctrine's counter-narcotics strikes and whatever operations follow.
§U.S. energy and mining interests, positioned to benefit from a post-Maduro Venezuela and a hemisphere realigned toward American access.
§Anti-China hawks, who acquire a hemisphere-wide military framework aimed squarely at Beijing's foothold near the Panama Canal.

Sourced to the public record · presented without editorial embellishment